Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Teens and How to Build it Back Up
Jake Newby
| 4 min read
High self-esteem is essential to good mental health. It helps boost confidence, resilience and happiness. It improves relationships, our sense of self and can give people a more positive outlook on life.
Building self-esteem starts young, but even children who grow up with a healthy level of self-esteem have it tested when they enter adolescence. Navigating relationships, substance use and the challenges posed by social media can take a toll on a teenager’s self-esteem.
Signs of low self-esteem teens
Most parents are close with their kids — until they reach a certain age. The parent-child relationship can get rocky when kids grow into teens as they become more influenced by their peers and search for their own identity. Teens may put their guard up with parents, resist tough conversations and try to avoid appearing vulnerable, all of which can make it tough to identify signs of low self-esteem. They may be subtle, but some signs can include:
- Using negative self-talk and saying phrases like, “I am always wrong,” “I’m not smart enough,” or “I always mess things up.”
- Having trouble making friends.
- Comparing themselves to their peers or influencers on social media. This sign may not be easy to identify, but if your child talks about wanting to buy new material things like certain clothes or jewelry because someone else has them, it could be a sign of insecurity, self-doubt and a need for external validation.
- Avoiding after-school activities, sports and events or showing no interest in them.
- Isolating and withdrawing socially.
- Bragging excessively about themselves, their achievements or their appearance, which could be a sign of compensating for low self-esteem.
- Becoming visibly angry or frustrated at the first sign of resistance while doing homework, playing games or performing tasks and quitting easily.
- Showing an inability to accept praise or criticism.
Tips and tools for building up your teenager’s self-esteem
A strong family environment can be predictive of high self-esteem in kids and teens. One study found factors like parental warmth and parental monitoring can lead to high self-esteem in kids. So, even though teens might resist your input, they do benefit from positive parental intervention. Here are tips to try and help build or rebuild their self-esteem:
Model confidence and acknowledging imperfections: Setting a good example for your kids can go a long way, even if they’re a bit older. Anxiety, insecurities and imperfections are going to shine through for teens at school and in other social settings. By acknowledging your own anxiety, insecurities and imperfections, your kids learn that it’s okay to face challenges and manage emotions.
Use positive self-talk: Promoting a positive self-image should involve replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk. This tip ties in with modeling confidence as a parent. If you yourself replace phrases like “I always mess up” with “I can learn from this mistake” — and encourage your child to do the same — this habit could run off on them. Encourage positive self-talk and how important it is for kids to give themselves grace and show self-compassion.
Be constructive instead of critical: Words and messages kids hear about themselves can influence the way they perceive themselves. Harsh or negative statements – like calling your child lazy, for example – can hurt their self-esteem. Instead of being critical, be constructive by letting your child know how you’d like them to behave next time following an incident.
Give less advice and listen: Strengthening the relationship with your teen could involve resisting the urge to turn every tough conversation into a lecture. Consistently showing your desire to listen to your child’s issues could promote an open line of communication.
Encourage diversity in activities and interests: If you pick up on the fact that your child doesn’t show interest in conventional activities like organized sports, encourage them to find a hobby or activity they are passionate about. Whether it be a physical activity like running or rock climbing or something creative like music or photography, encourage them to try new things and follow their natural instincts.
Promote a healthy relationship with social media: Social media isn’t all bad; online communication, in moderation, may help adolescents stay connected across long distances, expand their social circles and find a sense of community. But social media overuse can lead to bad habits, such as doomscrolling and spending ample time-consuming brain rot content. Parents can try to improve their child’s use of social media by:
- Encouraging them to focus and invest time into offline hobbies and goals.
- Helping them set limits within social media platforms.
- Taking breaks by turning off notifications and removing apps for periods of time.
- Unfollowing and muting accounts that stress them out.
Photo credit: Getty Images
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