How I’ve Dealt with the Physical and Emotional Changes After Having a Baby
Monica Drake
| 3 min read
No matter what you believe in, we can all agree reproduction is necessary for the continuation of the human race. Considering that the fate of humanity depends on procreation, it doesn’t feel like we’re set up for success when we decide to become parents.
For one – who thought it would be a good idea to put someone in charge of keeping a new person alive while rapidly dropping their estrogen and progesterone levels and making them more prone to depression? It's like your boss telling you, "Hey, I hired you to take on this job, but I'm not giving you electricity. Best of luck!" Sometimes it really does feel like I'm in the dark.
While I love my son and being a new mom, bawling my eyes out about once a day has put a damper on the whole experience. I feel guilty because I know I'm lucky and I should be happy.
Then I remember – it's actually not my fault It's biology's fault.
Here’s what I’ve done when I’ve struggled with my mental and physical health:
Seek professional help
I reached out to a healthcare professional. My husband and I started couples therapy about a month ago. While fathers may not go through the same changes as the mother, their lives still go through a huge transformation after the birth of a child. And, like women, men may also experience hormonal changes, gray matter reduction and sleep deprivation. Talking to a professional has given us a place to discuss these challenges and find strategies to cope.
Get enough sleep
Sleep is essential to the mental health of new parents, which I know is easier said than done. What I've found helps in these early months is not turning a one-person job into a two-person job. For instance, when I'm feeding our baby at night, my husband will often want to stay awake to keep me company. I'll tell him, "No, go to sleep! I can handle this! Just return the favor tomorrow!" It only takes one person to feed/change/rock the baby to sleep, so it's important for us to switch off these duties so we aren't both going without sleep.
Give yourself grace
My body doesn’t look like it used to, and my house isn’t as clean as it used to be. I’m late to outings more often, and I’ve found myself struggling to keep up with my social circle. But I’ve learned not to beat myself up. I work to give myself grace in figuring things out and finding my new normal.
Make time for yourself and other adults
It's helpful to make time for fellow adults. During maternity leave, while spending hours alone with a baby, my brain felt like it was turning into mush. That's why I tried to get out of the house as much as I could, whether it was going to a lactation support group or walking at the mall with a friend. While I dreaded returning to work at first, I can tell it's helping my mental health to talk with adults every day and to feel like my own person again.
While the new title of mommy is important, it's also important for me to retain my own sense of identity. For me, it can be rough feeling like a milk-making machine instead of an actual human being and to always think of someone else's needs. But, as my husband reminds me, I must put on my own oxygen mask before I can help others with theirs.
Opinions expressed in this blog belong solely to the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan or its subsidiaries and affiliates.
Image: Courtesy of Monica Drake
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