Becoming a Mom Made Me Realize How Precious Life Is
Monica Drake
| 3 min read
Mental health and suicide awareness have always been important causes to me, but becoming a new mom has given new meaning to how precious life is. Now I know firsthand what goes into bringing a new life into the world.
Before, I never really thought about what my mom went through to have me. First, there's trying to get pregnant, which is easier for some than others. My mom was in her 40s when she had me, so she knew there was a possibility she wouldn't get pregnant before menopause. After about six months of trying, the two pink lines appeared on her pregnancy test.
She went through 40 weeks of pregnancy and then labor —which my mom did without an epidural. Then, there were all the dirty diapers, the hours of breastfeeding and the nights spent lying on the floor holding my hand through the crib bars because that was the only way I'd fall asleep.
I can't imagine how my mom felt when I struggled with depression as a teenager and told her, "I want to die." Thinking about it as a mother now, I don't want to imagine my son ever saying anything like that to me someday. When I was in the middle of my suicidal ideations, I failed to realize the preciousness of my own life and everything my mom went through to bring me into it.
I know when everything hurts so bad that death feels like the only way out, I wasn’t thinking logically. But, for anyone who ever finds yourself in that situation, I hope you'll remember this: Your life is precious, and it took a lot for you to be here. Even if your birth story is less than ideal, so many events had to happen exactly as they did for you to exist.
There had to be two parents, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, 16 great-great-grandparents, 32 great-great-great grandparents and so on. Then there's the choices each of them made to meet and have a kid (or decide to become a surrogate/sperm donor/whatever the case may be).
My parents were introduced by my mom's ex-sister-in-law, whose husband worked with my dad. It's weird to think that if my mom hadn't met her ex-husband and gone through that painful experience, she never would have met my dad, and I wouldn't be here today. If my husband didn't wait the six months it took me to finally agree to go on a date with him, my son, Dean, wouldn't be here either.
On top of that, when you were created, only one of millions of sperm fertilized that specific egg. The odds of that exact combination happening are astronomically small. If ever you feel like your life doesn't matter, remember that you are a once-in-universe event. The fact that you are here at this very moment is nothing short of a miracle when you think about it. Because our existence is so improbable and precious, we owe it to ourselves and those who came before us to cherish and protect our lives and the lives of others.
Each life has an impact on others, even if you don't realize it. What you do with this life is up to you — but no matter what you do, I hope you choose to keep living. Even when things feel hopeless, the future holds possibilities you can't imagine. You are meant to be here; you are meant to live.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a trained volunteer crisis counselor. You don't have to do this alone.
Image: Courtesy Monica Drake
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