How I Practice Self-Compassion After Making a Mistake
Monica Drake
| 3 min read
Forgetting your phone is in your back pocket and dropping it in the toilet. Running over a curb and popping a tire. Locking your keys inside the house. Knocking over your coffee and spilling it all over the carpet.
These are all mistakes I have made before. In fact, two of these mistakes — running over a curb and locking myself out of the house — happened to me within a week. Since I have generalized anxiety disorder, I usually spiral after I make a mistake (especially when I have to pay for a new phone or tire). I start thinking, "You're so stupid. You're a waste of space. How do you even function in the world? Everyone would be better off with you."
Mental illness isn't known for being logical. One thing I try to do when I'm feeling this way is remind myself that these everyday mishaps happen to the best of us. Mistakes, like dropping my phone in the toilet, don't define who I am. It's just...a wet phone. While it may be frustrating — and expensive — I practice self-compassion and realize it doesn't make me a failure as a person. There are also plenty of outside factors and life changes that can affect the number of mistakes we make.
Reasons for making more mistakes
My life has recently been flipped on its head— having a baby and keeping another human being alive. I’ve realized this has had a huge effect on the number of mistakes I’m making lately.
That's because the demands of caring for a baby can lead to disrupted sleep and physical exhaustion, which can impair memory, concentration and decision-making. On top of that, I'm breastfeeding, which can burn up to 500 calories a day. That is comparable to a vigorous workout like running five miles. This energy demand, combined with hormonal shifts, can drain mental focus, which can also lead to occasional forgetfulness or lapses in judgment, according to UNC Health Talk.
Other things that can increase mistakes include stressful life events, hormonal shifts during pregnancy or menopause, fluctuations in cortisol and testosterone levels and changes in medication, according to research by the Mayo Clinic and National Institutes of Health. Dietary deficiencies, such as a lack of essential nutrients such as vitamin B12 or iron, can also impair cognitive abilities.
All these things can affect the number of mistakes a person makes. This isn’t a reflection of a lack of capability but rather life changes such as being slammed at work, going through a break-up, losing a family member, becoming a parent, adjusting the dose of antidepressants and even typical aging.
Mistakes make us human, and these moments give us stories to tell (or, in my case, gave me an idea for a blog post). Mistakes also help us learn. You better believe I've never put my phone in my pocket again when going to the bathroom — or put my phone on the edge of the bathtub (another example that ended badly for me).
I’ve also learned that if I make a mistake more than once, that doesn't mean I should beat myself up. I am definitely guilty of spilling liquid on the floor my fair share of times; it especially hurt my soul when that liquid was breast milk I just pumped. I remind myself that mistakes like these are not dangerous or life threatening — they're just inconvenient.
I remember to put things into perspective whenever I make a mistake and give myself some grace. Life is messy for all of us, and that's okay.
Image: Courtesy Monica Drake
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